Last week I embarked on my first maternity-clothes shopping trip. My goal was simple: Find a pair of pants that would look decent on me in the remaining five months of pregnancy, and feel like sweatpants the entire time. While I was still squeezing into my normal pants with a belly band, I could only zip those puppies up about a half inch, which forced me to wear my belly band really low and Mike kept asking me if it was the new trend to wear a weird shiny tank top to my knees under everything.
So, off to Destination Maternity we went. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THAT STORE? It's basically Mike's heaven. Smarty-smart this place is. They've got a "man-cave" all set up for the hubbies in the back of the store near the dressing rooms. Really, it's just an area with couches and a TV that plays non-stop football, but when I told Mike it was time to go, he asked if he could stay for a few more minutes and I ran straight into a rack of maternity panties out of shock.
Quick tip if you go there: Go straight to the back where it says "Low Prices." When I walked in, I was greeted by a $118 pair of maternity jeans. I then asked the sales assistant if they, "had any - ahem - other options," and she replied with, "Where did you shop pre-baby?"
"Gap; Loft. Anywhere cheaper than this," I replied. She quickly nodded and pointed to the back to of the store: "You'll want to shop in that corner." Alrighty then - sounds like I wasn't the first person to suffer from sticker shock on a pair of pants that I'll only wear for five months.
After grabbing a few options, I walked to the changing rooms, Mike entered heaven, and I started trying on the pants. In the dressing room, they have a little fake bump that you can put up your shirt to see how things will fit in a few months. While I appreciate the store's good intentions, that thing is tiny - like tiny-turtle shell tiny. I know I'm only twenty-one weeks pregnant, but I'm pretty sure I surpassed tiny-turtle shell size about three weeks ago - can I get a belly insert that's about triple this size please?
Plus, that doesn't even help me when trying on pants. Where are the pregnant thigh and butt inserts? How about calf inserts? Can I get those? Oh, and I've noticed the pregnancy affecting my knees - when I shave, it's like shaving a smooth hill these days - no bone definition. Can I get an insert to show me what my 9 months pregnant knees will look like in these skinny jeans? Fairly certain it might look like I have water-balloons where my knees should be. I need to know if these jeans can camouflage that.
Anyone who's been pregnant KNOWS that pregnancy doesn't just affect your belly. Everything is growing at an explosive rate. It's not just pregnant belly. It's pregnant arms, pregnant legs, pregnant wrists, pregnant face. EVERYTHING IS PREGNANT.
And if you don't get pregnant all over, I'm willing to bet you have terrible-awful gas. The pregnancy gods are unusually fair.
All-in-all I survived without the inserts and settled on a decent pair of jeans that (cross your fingers) will fit me until the day I meet this little person growing inside my body. Although, three days after wearing them, I started to think they felt a little tight ... just wash and don't dry them, right?