New Mom Confessions, Volume 3

  • I'll never again judge another parent for their baby having long fingernails. Squirmy limbs and a minuscule target make for one heck of a crapshoot. 
  • Only in the past month or two have I started feeling like my old self again. The pain in-the-place-that-shall-not-be-named is completely gone - even when I do squats in my skinny jeans to stretch them out - plus, I don't feel like I'm in a constant state of tiredness anymore, my body seems to have stabilized, and I think I've got at least half my brain back. I'd say a five-ish month recovery time for creating an entirely new human life is pretty good. 
  • While learning to sit up, Eli has fallen flat on his face more times than I can count. The first couple times I would gasp and grab him as fast as I could, usually resulting in him crying or at least an extra large pouty face because of my reaction. Now I don't say a word, I just pick him up and put him back in the sitting position and he goes on like nothing happened. Either that, or I just leave him to figure out how to get out of the faceplant and roll over. I figure he doesn't have any siblings so he can just wrestle with the floor. 
  • On my first day away from Eli, I didn't miss him at all. I felt guilty, but it was true.
  • I find myself Googling the words to nursery rhymes and lullabies because I can't remember the lyrics for the life of me - I think it's better than singing to him about Taylor Swift's love woes all day.
  • When I put Eli in his much-anticipated skinny jeans, I have to unbutton the top button when he sits because it's too tight around his belly for him to breathe. I finally bought him new ones, but for a long time I was too cheap to buy him a different pair and too vain to just let him wear different pants. 
In case you missed them:
Volume 1


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