Lonely For Just One Person

Hey guys, just stopping in to chat for a minute today. It's been a long couple weeks for me as Mike's been working a lot. Those of you with husbands that travel a lot, I don't know how you do it. I've been thinking about this post on how motherhood is lonely quite a bit, and I think I would add something to it - that often, that loneliness is simply for your husband, not for other people. 

I've had plenty of things to do over the past few weeks, and actually have kept very busy. Not to mention, keeping Eli alive is becoming quite the arduous task as he's --- wait for it --- army crawling!!! (And here I thought the kid would be rolling into his first day of kindergarten.) We have swimming lessons to go to, lots of play dates to attend and I'm keeping busy at home planning his first birthday, redecorating the living room and fulfilling quite a few hosting commitments we made before we knew he'd be working so much.

It's hard to host alone. And even harder to just eat alone. That 5 p.m. - 8 p.m. time slot is really, really hard for me. It's like I have hope all day that Mike will be home at a normal time, then the five o'clock hour hits and I start getting fearful that Mike won't be home for a while and as every minute passes the anxious and grumpy feelings start taking over my heart more and more. Do you know how much more awful it is to mop for the eleventy billionth time that day when your husband is not home?

The thing is, I'm lonely, but not for other people, I'm lonely for one person - Mike. Having him home in the evening gives me so much relief. There's just something about knowing that I don't have to be the only one to care for Eli that makes me feel better - even if I'm the one that still ends up doing all the major care-taking. Plus, Mike's the only one that wants to hear a play by play of Eli and I's day. (Let's be honest, it's usually a bit boring.) Mike cares about what song we had an impromptu dance party to, what comments the lady at the store made on Eli's hair, and even how much he pooped or didn't poop.


And Mike cares about me - he wants to hear about the letters I mailed, the new rug I ordered, and if I should make the banner blue or red for Eli's party. Admittedly, sometimes I offer too much information but I'm working on that, and thankfully Mike is especially talented at offering emotionally appropriate responses at regular intervals during my boring rambles.

My family is coming for a short visit today and I think it will help. They're the next best thing to Mike and I can't wait to see them. And hopefully Mike's heavy work schedule will lighten up soon, but until then, Eli and I will keep perfecting the army-crawl and "howling like nine dogs on a moonlit night." A line from Eli's new favorite book, "Doggies." He literally howls like a wolf and it is the most adorable thing you've ever seen, until I get nightmares about The Grey later that night when Eli does it in his sleep ....

How about you all? Can any of you relate? How do you cope when your husband isn't around very much?

8 comments:

  1. Oh I can so relate! Just last night at 6:00 I was saying to Weston, "where's daddy? where's daddy!?" Of course you're lonely for him...before Eli came along, he was your house-mate and BFF, and now, you share that love for Eli together, and no, very few other people get that love! Eric's going to be busy on weekends soon with music gigs, and I miss him all day Saturday and Sunday! We usually spend all weekend together...but I'm looking forward to doing things with Wes that Eric doesn't love (random walking for hours in our town, the library, seeing girlfriends)...maybe this will change someday with baby #2? Who knows. But, I totally get it, friend. Mike's Mike and no one can fill his shoes!

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  2. I hear ya lady, and completely understand. At least it helps us to really appreciate those nights with the hubs home, right? Have a great time with your folks today!

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  3. I'm right there with ya. And, I totally feel that same way...not necessarily lonely for other people/friends, but for him! I stay home with my 5,4, & 2 yr olds and expecting #4 in June. The days are fun, but lately long and tiring. What seems to help me (some days) is that I try to mentally prepare by telling myself he's coming home at his latest possible time (8pm). Then, if he happens to come home before that, it's a pleasant surprise. Doesn't always work, but I try to power thru! Lately, I've been trying to plan dinner/playdates with some other friends whose husbands also have long hours. Which is also fun, too. Good luck. You can do it!

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  4. Thanks Amy - those are good ideas! Agree with mentally preparing, I've starting HAVING to do that and it has helped!

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  5. Agreed - I do soak up the nights he's home a ton more!

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  6. Thanks Olivia - that's a good way to look at it - getting do things that maybe Mike doesn't love as much as me. I'll have to try to think of things to do like that, especially on those evenings when Mike's not around! Thanks for your encouraging words!

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  7. Meant to comment earlier but forgot to. Here we go, a few days late...I completely identified with this post, thank you for writing it. I find myself counting down the minutes to Dad coming home every night. I don't know why because like you said, I still end up doing most of everything, but it just feels good knowing you're not the only parent in charge. The older my son gets (he's 12mo now) I think the more I'll look forward to Dad coming home. We're just starting to enter the correction phase and for some reason, my son doesn't always take my "NO" seriously. Sometimes he even laughs at me; a full on belly laugh! I feel that I'm going to need back up from Dad the older he gets. And to go along with today's post (4/1/14), yes, where's the info on the 12-18mo age??

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  8. I can't believe he laughs back at you! Eli starts to cry the moment my voice even sounds a tiny bit firm. He's a sensitive soul that one. I'm sorry - I have no idea what I would do! I agree that the older they get the more you want Dad home - they're awake more and well, more work, and there are more things that I feel like I need support or a second opinion on!

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