NMC: Heather From Hot and Healthy Life

Today's guest post comes from Heather at Hot and Healthy Life. I virtually met Heather through Rookie Moms, as we're both contributors in documenting our weekly challenges and we've also both called Iowa home at one time or another (she currently lives in Des Moines) so that pretty much makes us twinsies. Heather blogs about health, fitness and all things pregnancy and baby related - she's super honest about life and says all those things none of us actually want to admit - which makes her perfect for New Mom Confessions. If you want to hear more from Heather, check out her blog or find her on Facebook, Twitter and The Gram.

Hi, I’m Heather.  Mom to Piper (4 months), Wife to Tyler, and dog mom to George.  I blog about family, food, and health and fitness over at The Hot and Healthy Life.  I worked full time before Piper was born, but now I stay home with her and run the blog.  I could have never imagined being a mommy would make me feel so complete, but it really truly does.  Life is far from perfect, I have crazy moments where I find myself thinking I have NO CLUE what I’m doing, but I love almost every minute of it (lets be honest, there are moments where I want to run away from home, but they pass quite quickly).  These, are my confessions.
  • Recently I needed to pump, but I was also busy so I clipped my pump to my pants (Love the freestyle) and decided to walk around the house and finish picking up while I pumped.  Too bad I forgot to attach bottles or bags to the pump and I ended up pumping straight onto the floor.  Whoops
  • I wore Piper around the airport when we traveled from Phoenix.  At one point I had to pee and my husband was nowhere to be found so I just decided I’d pee while wearing her.  She screamed, spit her pacifier onto the floor which went into the stall next to us (which someone was in of course), and I let the straps of the Ergo baby carrier fall into the toilet so it was covered in pee.  Didn’t have time to fix it before the flight so I walked around with a baby carrier wet with pee.  
  • I frequently eat while nursing Piper and often times I spill crumbs all over her.  Its ok though because I pick up the big crumbs and eat them.  Can’t let good food go to waste.
  • I get a spray tan every 2 weeks and for the first 8 hours after getting the tan I can’t shower.  This generally means I get some of the bronzer on my baby’s skin.  Recently my husband said,”Babe I don’t know what is wrong with the baby but she has this brown stuff on her face.  Do you know what it is?” Ummmm as a matter of fact I DO NOT.  :)
  • Sometimes Piper will scream and scream when she is tired and it seems like nothing will make her sleep. So once I tried crying/yelling as loudly as she was crying while I was holding her. It made her stop crying long enough to fall asleep.  Mother of the year!!!
  • It never fails that right after the baby goes to sleep my dog starts barking.  When that happens I generally start chasing him around the house while uttering every obscenity that I know and telling him that I’m going to send him off to the dog pound if he doesn’t shut his mouth.   
  • For approx. the first 6 weeks of Piper’s life I did not know to wash in between her thumb and forefinger then one day I was sniffing around to figure out why she smelled so bad and I discovered an incredibly amount of lint/dirt/dust/I don’t even know what else.  It was disgusting.  
  • After the baby was born you have to wear a pad to deal with all the bleeding.  I hadn’t worn a pad since I was in junior high so I knew nothing about them and I couldn’t figure out why there were these stupid wings on the side of them.  They kept sticking to my thighs and getting into my way.  It was well into the 2nd week of wearing them that I realized that you tape the stupid wings to the bottom of your underwear.  I’m seriously a genius.  
  • The baby wakes me up in the middle of the night, but rarely wakes Tyler up.  HOWEVER if she does wake Tyler up he will usually rub my back while I feed her/soothe her/etc.  So if he doesn’t wake up I generally kick him lightly under the covers.  Hard enough to wake him but light enough that he doesn’t realize that is what woke him up.  Then he rubs my back and all is right with the world again.  
  • When Piper was first born I didn’t trust anyone to watch her without me around.  I worried that they wouldn’t know what to do and how to calm her down if she cried so I barely left the first 6 weeks or so.  Then one day I suddenly did not feel that way anymore and the second grandma would get there to babysit I’d hand her right over and say, I think she has a dirty diaper and she has been fussing all day, have fun I’m going to go drink some wine!! Luckily she has great grandmas who love spending time with her even when she is fussy and pissy.  
  • Once Tyler and I took Piper with us to the chiropractor.  As we were sitting in the waiting room I said to Tyler, “Oh crap I forgot the diaper bag, I hope she doesn’t poop.” No sooner (literally) did I get the word poop out of my mouth and she POOPED everywhere.  I mean it was instantly up her back and coming through her clothes.  It was loud and it smelled and everyone in the waiting room was laughing and Piper? Well she was just smiling away.  Tyler wanted to take her to the bathroom to clean her up and I asked him how he planned on doing that with no diaper bag.  We should have gone home immediately, but I had just driven across town and I needed that adjustment so we stayed for 20 more minutes.  Needless to say I was cleaning poop out of the car seat, her clothes, her hair.  It was disgusting, but kind of hilarious. 
To see all the posts in the New Mom Confessions series, click here. If you have a blog and would like to share your confessions on Oakland Avenue, email me for the details!

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