And yes, I've definitely done that before.
- I know it's the cool thing to still be in your regular skinny jeans at 20 weeks along in a pregnancy, but this time around, it was all I could do not to pull out the maternity pants the moment I saw the positive pregnancy test. I was able to hold off for a few weeks, but not long. In fact, I totally skipped the belly band and even the hair-tie trick. Comfort over chicness, people. No shame here.
- The other day I was at a restaurant and needed to change Eli because he had a monster, sticky poop - and low and behold, I was outta wipes. For a solution, I decided to wet toilet paper in the sink - bad idea. I got the poop off but the TP kept disintegrating in my hands, forcing many accidental "touches," I mean, I might as well have just used the palm of my hand instead of the paper. Plus, it left little white bits all over him that took a full-on bath to get all off. Oh, and did I mention that there was no air in the restaurant and it was 95 degrees out that day? And that there was no changing table so I had to lay him on the floor of a tiny bathroom that we both barely fit into? And that it was past his bedtime and everyone in the restaurant could tell? Still recovering from that experience.
- Sometimes, if I haven't mopped the floor yet after Eli and I have eaten lunch or breakfast, I'll catch him under his high chair snacking on leftovers. It's all I can do not to clap and tell him "Good job!" because it's one less thing for me to have to mop up.
- The other day at Target Eli threw the biggest tantrum I've ever seen him have. One minute he was pushing the cart happily (pre-tantrum photo here) and the next minute he was on all fours on the the ground crying and attempting to swipe every box of tampons off an end-cap we were near. I picked him up, put back the tampons and tried to calm him down. After about 10 minutes of him not just crying - SCREAMING - were just about out the door when I let him have a swig of my Starbucks. I took it away after a sip and the tantrum resumed. So I gave it back to him, only to have him suck down half of it before he'd stop the tears. While I don't feel too bad since it was decaf, I could just feel the stares of the customers around me thinking of how bad a mom I was since it took me forever to calm him down and I used a sugary, bad-for-you-drink to do it. Do what you gotta do, right? #momfail
- When Eli decides he's "done" with something, like drinking from his sippy cup, he likes to push it away - like at least 5 feet away. Which means it can't even be on his high chair tray. Sometimes I'll just push it towards him on his tray to bug him and he starts to freak out. It's totally a battle of the wills and while I know I'm exacerbating it, it's just kinda fun to annoy him and see how he'll react.
- On a walk Eli saw a middle aged woman that looked vaguely like my mother-in-law and shouted, "Hi GaGa!" The woman slowed down and asked, "Did he just call me grandma?" I stammered out that it was hard to tell, and she then launched in to the fact that she is not a grandma and isn't planning on being one for a while. #sorrynotsorrycrazylady
- I get asked all the time if Eli's glasses are real by random strangers. (????) No, they're fake. It's totally worth having to clean them 12 times a day, adjusting them 39 times a day, having other kids pull them off his face, and fog up when he cries - just so he can look like a hipster. I mean, have you seen how cool that back strap is?
- Sometimes I'll leave Eli in his crib for up to an hour after he wakes up. The kid is essentially singing opera and playing drums on the crib slats - why would I want to interrupt that genius? If he's happy up there, I'm happy to let him stay up there for as long. as. he's. happy. And maybe even a few minutes after he's unhappy .... speaking of, I'm coming Eli!