New Mom Confessions

Eli loves stickers, so to save money, I'll just hand him a piece of colored masking tape and shout, "Sticker!" and he gets insanely excited. I'll be running that charade just as long as I can.

Eli dropped a small round ball down our toilet and used my hair brush to really make sure he shoved it up the plumbing. When Mike couldn't get it out with the plumber's snake, we had to call in a real plumber. Five minutes and $111 dollars after the plumber arrived, we had a functioning toilet again. Thanks Eli. And for the record, I still use the hairbrush.

Every day Eli and I play a game (Exhibit A above). I lay on the floor "pretending" to be asleep and he covers me with every stuffed animal he can find. Then he sits on my head to "snuggle" and go "nigh, nigh" with me. I figure it's better than him sitting on his sister, which is his preferred seat of choice these days. I secretly love this game because I've decided having my head crushed is worth getting to close my eyes when I'm exhausted and just want to nap at 4 p.m. #pregoproblems

I totally ripped a pair of maternity pants the other day. Right where the jeans meet the stretchy fabric. I'm chalking it up to poor construction, rather than the fact that I'm so large and in charge these days.

I don't know about your toddler, but mine can be pretty lazy sometimes. Often he'll give a half hearted reach for a toy on the couch or the sippy cup on the table and then look at me with begging eyes, saying, "Help?" I'll tell him he's a big boy and that he can get it, to just "try." So he continues in his half hearted ways, and continues in his begging, so I'll give it a half hearted shot and "won't" be able to reach it either, letting him know it's too hard for momma. It almost always works in getting him to put a little effort into it and snag whatever it is he wants.

The other day Eli walked into my bathroom with his finger in his mouth, a disgusted look on his face and he kept repeating, "Icky!" I looked at his other hand and low and behold, the kid had eaten over half a tube of Burt's Bees chapstick. Don't worry, I called poison control. Sounds like he'll be just fine.

Sometimes, I'll be thinking to myself and suddenly Eli's little voice will pop into my head and my mind-voice starts to sound like Eli. Like if I'm thirsty, "Dink? Dink? Dink?" is all I'll hear in my head. Or if I'm going outside, "Side? Side? Side?" I have literally began to think to myself in a high-pitched voice with one word sentences. And they say toddlers are the ones that regress...

My husband calls me every day when he leaves work. That means that I have 25, maybe 38 minutes max (traffic) to blitz the house, clean the kitchen, pick up toys, wipe of Eli's peanut butter face, make myself look presentable and really, make it look like I actually kept the house in one piece that day. With any remaining time, Eli and I sit on the back deck, watching the alley like a hawk, (Well I do, Eli just points at airplanes.) and nearly we tackle Mike with happiness and relief when he gets home. It is seriously the best part of my day.


  1. I love this and for the record, I just ripped a pair of my maternity jeans in the same spot trying to fit back into them after having a baby:/ To my benefit they only fit during the first two trimesters but still! And what I would give for a 25 minute commute until dad arrives home...Alex works out of an office attached to our garage. His commute is less than a minute. Oops:)

  2. Yes! Fellow maternity jean rippers unite! Oh, I'm actually very jealous that your husband is so close. While I appreciate the extra time to look presentable at the end of the day, I'd give anything for Mike to not have to navigate traffic - it's the worst during construction summers and it's more than an hour! Then I'm on the back deck for a loooooooong time. ;)