Three Minutes In A Mom's Head During A Toddler Tantrum

Oh dear. Here it comes. If I don't shut this down now, it's going to be World War III right here in front of everybody. Why does this always have to happen when we're in front of people? Can't he just save these for when we're home alone? I swear he always saves his worst tantrums for when we're out in public. What do I do, what do I do?

Can't you just eat dinner like a normal person? You eat this stuff at home, why not now? Why, oh why, did I have to say aloud that he has to eat his "other food" first before he can have bread? Now I actually have to stick to my guns - I mean, isn't that what a good parent would do?

Okay, can everyone just please remove their bread from the table until my toddler has finished his meat and vegetables? Don't you all know that it's the bread on your plates that's making him mad? This is why we eat in stages at home, people.

Should I just give him bread to stop this? But then that's all he'll eat for the rest of the night. And then he'll be hungry because the bread won't fill him up overnight. And I definitely don't want him waking up earlier than he already does just because he's hungry. I'll do anything to not have him wake up earlier. But I neeeeed to get some protein in him.  Plus isn't gluten bad for us? And this is white bread. Non-organic white bread. The worst of the worst. Feeding him this bread is probably just like just handing him a piece of death. HOW DID IT BECOME HIS FAVORITE FOOD? I did what the experts said, gave him a variety of first foods, all healthy, whole vegetables, meats and fruits. He used to like that stuff, what the heck happened? Now I'm basically killing him slowly every time I give into his demands of bread, chips and crackers.

All the other moms here probably know exactly what to do. And of course, you have no idea what to do. FIND AN IDEA! Hold firm.  Be classy ... stay classy... be calm ... you're cool, collected, together.

If I hear the word "bread," come out of his mouth one more time ....

I bet if I just let him down out of his high chair, he'll go play and stop this deranged crying. Then I can just feed him real food at home later. But will all the other moms think I'm rude because it'll make their kids want to play too? Do I risk it? Better not.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO.

Oh no, the writhing is starting. Do I hold his arms or something? Tell him to take three deep breaths in and exhale for five seconds? He's essentially a cave man - he can't understand that. Right? GET CONTROL CHILD. Do I just ignore him? But I can't. No one can talk right now because he's so dang loud, they're all pretending to be busy eating, but I know, I know they're willing me to shut him up.

What did that parenting book say again? A time out? But he's only 18 months old, I've never even tried to give him a time out. Why haven't I tried to do it before in the safety of my own home? Should I just try it, even though I've never done it before? Where's the nearest exit? Maybe I should take him upstairs, pretend to have a talk or something with him and then when he's nice and calm, we can come back downstairs again and finish this meal like civilized human beings.

Ha! Fat chance. You know as soon as you take him out of this room he'll probably just get more mad and start crying harder and louder than before. What did that article I pinned on Pinterest the other day say again? Eleven ways to tame a toddler tantrum? Think of one! Think of one!

I can't.

Please stop. Please just magically stop. Pleeeeease?

Okay, just give him the bread, then this will all be over. What else did he eat today again? Oh yeah, bread and peanut butter for breakfast, an apple grilled cheese for lunch. I am definitely killing my child with all this gluten. But at least it was whole wheat. That's like only half gluten or something, right?

Focus! Remember that parenting article, it said you need to be consistent. Toddlers love routine. And boundaries. So you have to be true to your word. You don't want to look like a liar in front of all these other moms. Plus, lying to your kid will probably cause life-long damage to his self-image or something and he'll never trust you again. Isn't that what I heard that psychologist say on TV the other day? I must make him eat this food.

Gah. I'm hungry. I wish I could just eat my food and deal with this later. I'd probably know what to do if I wasn't trying to think on an empty stomach.

Don't do it. Dooooon't do it kid. I know that face. Don't you dare throw that food, then I really won't know what to do.

HELP.

What's the point of me not giving into the bread again? I think I'm supposed to be teaching him patience and self-control or something.  Remember how those parenting books said, "You're disciplining him today so he'll become a positive, contributing member of society tomorrow?" But will letting it go this once really make him a horrible, dependent bum for the rest of his life?

Probably.

Why are all the other kids perfect little angles right now? Why does it have to be mine? I really, really don't want this lesson in humility right now. Can't I learn it another day? Where's my husband when I need him? We really need to discuss this tonight when he gets home. Come up with some sort of game plan for moments of terror like these. I'll have him write it down on flash cards and quiz me on it so the next time my toddler goes berserk in public I'll look poised and polished instead of dumfounded and disgraced.

How long has he been crying now ... three minutes? Feels like three hours.

Fine. Just eat the bread kid. I have lost all sense of self-worth, confidence, morale and pride in my parenting.

I will be better tomorrow.

It is bread for dinner tonight.

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3 comments:

  1. It's like you were at our table last night where FOUR rolls were consumed and nothing else - since it was all tossed to the floor, of course.

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  2. That is truth if I ever read it! Also, on the baby led weaning tactic and how it's supposed to help them be open to various foods...yeah...that turns to total BS by 18 months. All they want now is bread, cheese and fruit. I don't even try anything else when we are in public now. I give. And I concede that I will NOT be better tomorrow...maybe in a few years I'll make them eat your veggies at a restaurant. Maybe.

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  3. Ha, good idea just going straight to the stuff you know they'll eat. It would save a ton of pain and embarrassment!

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