This Is How I Feel, XX

Thought it might be helpful if I stared adding the kids ages to each post: 
Eli, 22 months; Colette, eight weeks. 

When someone mentions the vaccinations debate.

When someone makes sleeping jokes and everyone in the room is laughing, but I can't because I'm still living it. 

After I get Colette to fall asleep in my arms, put her in the rock n'play, only to hear her begin to cry five minutes later. 

Coming downstairs after I successfully put both kids down for a nap at the same time.

When Eli's supposed to be sleeping and I hear a bunch of huge thumps.

When I caught Eli dropping toilet paper in to the toilet, then pulling it back out and sucking on it and I didn't want to deal with it so I pretended not to see it and told my husband to go look.

When I tried to put on a Moby Wrap for the first time. 

When Mike comes home with Starbucks and the kids are in my path to reach him. 

When I make a stupid comment in front of a bunch of people because I'm severely sleep deprived and don't even care. 

When walking the aisles of Target and I spot an end cap full of 50,000 stuffed animals/balls/trucks that I know Eli will want to hold. 

When I try to get dressed in the morning after the kids got up a collective 485 times during the night.

Every morning I woke up over 40 weeks pregnant and I realized that Colette had still not shown up.

When Mike tells me to go upstairs and take a nap, while he watches the kids. 

Want more? Find 'em all, righta' here.


  1. Hi Taylor, while I'm saddened to hear you can relate, I'm so thankful you took time to write. It is sad how downplayed it is, I think I might have found healing faster if I knew more about it and that it was something that could happen after birth. I'm sorry to hear you had a traumatic birth as well, I wish you all the best in your healing!