The night makes everything worse, doesn't it? The ways of a baby are difficult to understand. Impossible really. And I know you don't know if what you're doing is right or not, but I promise you, it. is. right. Because you're doing it. And you're momma.
You can do this. You are strong and enduring. Capable and resilient.
In this moment - and you must believe me on this - you are enough. You're not doing anything wrong. In fact, you are doing everything right.
I know you're discouraged. Disheartened. Downtrodden. And those are normal, understandable feelings. And in many ways, you have every right to be discouraged. But let me tell you this, and hopefully it gives you at least a teeny, tiny bit of encouragement, because I know how much you need it right now.
You see, the thing is, you have one major weapon in this nightly war - you have love. I know, I know. You know this. But I think you've forgotten exactly what that means. Your love? It is unconditional. It is unquestioning. I know there are moments in the night when you do question it, but it's a false alarm. It's not real. It's a surface-level reaction, one that cuts and hurts your heart in the moment, but I promise you, the armor of your love will protect it from ever getting deep enough to make a scar.
Your love armor wraps around you and baby like the warmest blanket, the yet the thickest shield. It is both deep and wide. It is dazzling and blinding, stunning and glittering, yet in this moment it is ache and pain, bent and wounded. But take heart, it is this tug and pull that makes your love radical and selfless, it means you can and will sacrifice yourself over and over again, during these tests of minutes, hours and nights.
In the midst of this testing, remember, your love. That is what is being tested. But don't fear for an instant momma. Because your love will always pass the test. I know the sacrifice of these days hunches you over, pulling you into a fog of unbelief, but it is not true. It will not last. While the fog envelopes you, it will not consume you - because the truth always wins. Love always wins.
Little by little the fallacy of the fog will clear and you will see what I see. The truth. That you are brave. And selfless. And strong. And resilient. That you are a good mother. That you will survive. That you are doing a good job.
And it is a much better job than you're giving yourself credit for.
Hear me. Please hear me. You are doing a good job. A great job. You are doing everything right.
You are a midnight warrior. A midnight champion. A midnight momma.
You love your child fiercely and without condition.
This is your greatness as a mother.
Carry on. You can do this.
*Photo credit :: Leah Fontaine