But fairly quickly my patience, happy voice and well, any and all kindness evaporated - right about the time I felt the lunch of lasagna leftovers cling to the bottom of my foot (due to a toddler-sized chronic food thrower), and the yogurt get blown in my face from a 10 month old that's discovering how many cool tricks her lips can do.
It was then that I became the crabby, short tempered mom that was only surviving until bedtime. It was then that the bad day began.
The rest of the day was a series of frustrating events where nothing seemed to go right. I struggled to remember why I love motherhood so much, to find any joy in my day, and every little thing was just setting me off. I found myself yelling over silly things and even trying out the silent treatment. (Bad idea, that's the quickest way to get your kid to get all up in your face and yell your name incessantly - making a bad day even worse.)
I tried reminding myself of how lucky I am to even get to be a mom. How I need to "find joy" in the little things. How I'm supposed to soak up this time with them because it all goes by too quickly. I know these things. I read them all the time on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, heck, I even write them. But nothing was working, nothing could change how weary, tired and just plain frustrated I was.
Pretty quickly the guilt started to weave with the anger. Each time I lost my patience, the voice came, telling me I was a bad mom. That I was a disaster. That I can't get anything right. That I'm a failure as a mother. That I know better and need to act and feel like it.
You know the one, don't you? It's the the voice that immediately joins your life as soon as you have your first baby. The lies it whispers vary a little between moms, but the heart is the same, cutting a mom right to the core making a bad day become a bad mother.
But the truth is, a bad day is just that, a bad day.
You may have failed a hundred times over with your kids, your husband, your heart, but that doesn't make you a bad mother. It just means you need grace. It means you can't do it all perfectly. It means you need forgiveness and a fresh start.
Bad days don't define our mothering as a whole, they only prove that we're human.
And so today, if it is a bad day for you, keep going, keep mothering, keep fighting, keep trying and trying again. There is grace enough for the bad days. You are still a good mother and these bad days don't define your story as a mother - they are not the days your children will remember. What they'll remember was that you were present, that you available, that you loved them and that you were a good mom. Regroup and tell your children you're sorry. Admit that mom doesn't get it all right. Model humility and honesty for them.
And start over again tomorrow.
Each day is a new day filled with grace made just for that day, just for you as a mom. A bad day doesn't make a bad mom. It's just that, a bad day.
Carry on warrior.
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